One headlight shines ahead as the dust settles on this lonely, cold night. There is barely a soul within this area, and a rosary dangles from the back mirror of the car; it’s quiet and a bit scary. DUMMMM!! The car’s back boot is slammed. The slam echoes through the woods as the only noise to be heard in about an hour of silence. A man pulls along a body bag, which probably has a body in it.
“the odds are always stacked against me, the times are always colder on my side, I take what’s left, and I give what’s needed; the world is going to shit, and I am not here to save it; I am here to enable it, raise the bar, take it a notch higher if you sell weed, I provide user’s if you deal, I provide coke if you seek pleasure, I provide whores of any kind, I do the dirty work, and I couldn’t care less or more, I just have the right of emotions to survive in this crazy world. “
He pulls along the body bag, which is probably heavy from the body within; he drags it on the floor as he pulls it to the sea, probably to dispose of it.
“I wouldn’t come here to give you a pity party story that’s some bulls**t, and I need no pity. Every man is dealt with different cards that allow them to intertwine with their demons or fight them. I have never planned to fight them because they have saved me more times than I care to admit. Well, I have never felt like fighting them until now.
He drags the body bag into the sea but is held by a hand from the bag just before he can toss it. He looks to see, and it’s him covered in blood, beaten, battered, and bruised. Â
“I am guilty? “the body from the body bag says in a scary tone.
Smoke in the air, girls everywhere, some half naked while others are naked. Sounds of moaning and pleasure ring around the room, which is covered in smoke, so there’s barely anyone to be seen, but a lot of people are here. A lady lazily drags herself past the door half stoned, and just by the couch sits the man.
“My name is of no concern to you, but my search for something that makes the guilt less painful might be of concern. I do not consider myself bad or good. I see it as being what I need to be when I need to be, although these days I battle with the truth, I battle with who I have become and if I know right from wrong anymore” He sips a drink.
Just in front of him is a guy sniffing crack, his head buried in the tray. As he rises to look at the man, the man can see himself in his place.
“It’s like looking at a mirror, questioning every single decision before and after, wondering if you are to blame for allowing your demons co-exist with you or maybe you had no choice.”
A lady with a bottle walks up to him, sniffing it, and slams it into his head.
Glass particles scatter on the floor, and it would seem there had been a scuff here or a brawl in this house. The man walks in.
“It’s almost like trying to pick the pieces up, the shattered pieces of your life; you want to put them together again because maybe, just maybe, for once in your life, you are trying to do the right thing knowing all you have done is the wrong thing and although you rather say you only did what was needed you know the truth and you know it’s just an excuse for the monster you have become that you want to part ways with now” The man walks around this house as he walks to the stairs noises can be heard as the brawl or scuff rages on.
“We always wait till it becomes personal. I waited till I lost …” The sound of a gun goes off; the sound doesn’t seem new to him, but it still is as painful as the first time. The body of a lady rolls down the stairs to meet him coming up the stairs.
“she was my turning point, the moment I realized I wanted more from life than what I was given, the moment I knew I had something to live for, but also the one who made me know my life choices were coming back to haunt me” the man from up the stairs rushes down to see his lover ice cold, he breaks down in tears as his knees buckle to the floor.
With full-throttle ignition, the car moves at an extremely dangerous pace while the man drives like he is searching for death.
“When your reason to live is gone, and your will to move on is taken away, you are left with only two options. 1. Find another reason to live. 2. End it all. This was my reality; the life I had lived didn’t feel right anymore, and death looked like all that was possible. I had no reason to think about my choices till she died from my choices. I always knew the world was a shit hole, and I only played to that music. I always said I was not the bad guy; I was just what the system created; so many lives I hadn’t taken, so many families I had broken, so many wills I had stolen, and it took me just one stolen from me to feel the pain of a thousand I had stolen from.”
The man drives like a maniac seeking death while his other self watches on from the passenger seat.
“How could I stop myself from ending myself? How could I make a better decision when I don’t know what that means? What could I do differently? as I draw ever closer to death in this insane death race? The answer was not in what I looked to anymore but in something I never thought about” The car speeds off the bridge while he looks at the rosary dangling from the back mirror of his car.
